DEER STALKERS AND TRILBY'S

DEER STALKERS AND TRILBY'S

In view of the expected inclement weather, members of the Duck Flat Cap Society are immediately empowered to substitute their Flat Cap for a Trilby or Deer Stalker until further notice.

However, please note that this relaxation of the standard provision to wear a Flat Cap at all times, does not extend to any form of Russian or arctic headgear.

In addition to the above, those over the tender age of seventy are also allowed to indulge themselves by appropriating a pair of gloves for use at committee meetings.

 Please be aware that this does not extend to mittens or converted socks. However, string vests and quilted underpants remain unacceptable to the committee. 

Finally, scarves are deemed inappropriate and the sight of any such item will result in fifteen lashes of Driver Chards gamp and instant dismissal from the society.

By order.

BASHER HURLEY TO SUE OVER PENILE EXTENSION SLANDER

BASHER HURLEY TO SUE OVER PENILE EXTENSION SLANDER

Ex military hardman and sexologist, Basher Hurley, is outraged at the suggestion that his recent triple bypass heart operation was a scam to cover up an extension to his manhood.

After a strenuous and lengthy workout with his dusky nurse, Basher Hurley made a surprise appearance at the Duck yesterday evening with his solicitor, Flight Lieutenant Stretchit-Andbashit, who provided the assembled imbibing and medical sub committee a portfolio of colour photographs as evidence that his manhood was untouched by the knife or other surgical procedure.

As the Duck Flat Cap Society medical sub committee studied the photographs, Basher Hurley made protracted circuits of the pubs outer borders so as to ensure that the perimeter was secure.

 He then strolled purposely, but with a noticible limp, to the bar where he ordered two pints of Guinness and a half measure of  Barley Wine that he claimed was for his elderly mother waiting outside, tied to a lamp post.

 However it was evident to all but Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff, that the Nurses Uniform viewed through the frosted glass window was indeed that of his trusty nurse, rather than his mother.

The folio of photographs appeared at first glance looked to have been doctored as they all had the appearance of extremely dark skin, whilst Basher Hurley was well known for his pale complexion.

Further more the views in the background of many of the photo's appeared to be of either Africa or the Caribbean, or a prison cell. Stranger still was a tattoo with the name "Winston" stretched along the length of the member.

The photographs will continue to be studied, and a further meeting between the Duck Flat Cap Society and Basher Hurley's lawyers will take place shortly

GUINESS HATS IN DUCK FLAT CAP OUTRAGE

GUINESS HATS IN DUCK FLAT CAP OUTRAGE

Members of the DFCS were outrage yesterday when Bazzer Duck appropraited a stsh of compressed Guinees Hats and started to distribute them amongst members.

DRIVER CHARD TO MODEL NEW TRILBY DEERSTALKER AT NEXT COMMITTEE MEETING

DRIVER CHARD TO MODEL NEW TRILBY DEERSTALKER AT NEXT COMMITTEE MEETING

Ex military driver and part time president and chairman of the Duck Flat Cap Society, Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff, has agreed to model a new form of headgear produced by hatters working for the "Royal Society of Ex Military Septuagenarian Drivers and Wheel shunters".

The headgear has been designed with the simple minded and mentally unstable in mind, and for this reason, Driver Chard is thought to be the ideal model.

Those familiar with other Blogs by this author, will be aware that the sad septuagenarian dreamer, has recently taken to conducting his Duck Flat Cap Society business in a 1950's Fulham Football club jersey, suspenders and a large black top hat.

This behaviour has recently been tolerated by the other members of the DFCS Imbibing and Consumption committee, but of late he has been drawing the attention of the pubs other clientele who are to put it mildly, some what alarmed.

However, the committee have managed to persuaded the local authorities that Driver Chard can be controlled at the present time , and that there is no current need for him to be certified.
Therefore Driver Chard is free to model the new range of Trilby Deerstalkers next week end, although the local police will be monitoring the situation very carefully.

In particular, they will be on the look out for midget seminal criminal and lady's man, Les "Short Leg's" Parks together with the diminutive and overweight Pepe Le Puke who has been  unsettled by recent disputes with the failed Karaoke singer and fellow part time dust cart operative, Ray the Dust.

Little Legs Parks and Pepe Le Puke are both interested in gaining the contract for modelling the new headgear to the local Dwarf and Porg (person of restricted growth) population and trouble may be afoot if they manage to infiltrate the proposed DFCS catwalk event.

The situation will be monitored carefully by the DFCS Small People sub  committee  and a further report will be posted in due course.